Random

In my last post, I spoke about emerging, and then disappeared quietly into the undergrowth once again. Having lurked therein for another two months or so, I have once again emerged to update my affectionate (and probably dwindling) readership on why I did so.

You see, I had a submission. The final submission of my second year. And then I was required to give a lot of thought to what I plan to do next year, and as most of you probably know, thinking too far ahead, for me, is an exercise in confusion. All I know for sure about the future is where I will be married (because, like most girls from St. Andrew's Kirk, I refuse to get married anywhere else) and that I will not live in a joint family (because, if I'm going to live with anyone's parents, I'd choose to live with my own rather than abandoning them and going off to someone else's). Also, I know that I will have more than two children, because my mother demands it, and I know that they will be thoroughly spoilt by their grandmother and look upon their mother as some sort of gremlin (because the probability scale is heavily tilted in that direction).

Sorry, what was I saying?

Oh well.

In other news, the weather in the United Kingdom continues to surprise and entertain us. In India, one would talk about the weather when there is literally nothing else to talk about and conversation needs to be made. And the conversation would go like this: "God, it's hot today." ... "Hmmm." ... *silence takes over again*. Whereas in the UK, the weather becomes a seperate entity entirely, or an 'anthropomorphic personification' as Terry Pratchett would say. In other places, people blame things on God and the Devil. In the UK, you can blame things on God, the Devil, or the Weather. And I'm sure people address the Weather far more often than they do the other two. "Please, please oh please don't rain today" ... "Thank you Sun for shining!" ... "Weather, please be good on the 5th of May because I'm planning an outdoor party two months in advance" (yes, people actually do that, in a country where it rains all the time...hope does indeed spring eternal in the human breast, doesn't it?!)

Anyway, the Weather has been unexpectedly benevolent lately, although it still can't resist teasing us with a week of cold rain after a week of gorgeous hot sunshine. We at 42 (my house number, in case I haven't mentioned it) have invested in a barbecue, and spent two lovely days in the backyard with it. At this point it occurs to me that I haven't talked about my housemates on here at all. This is surprising, because they are the most hilarious bunch of people you could ever wish for. I don't like mentioning people by name on here, so I shall call them...hmm...Dodo, Diki, Aanya and Ajit. I'm Cheeta. As you all know already. Although over here, it has become 'Chennai Cheeta'. Or 'Crazy Chennai Cheeta'. Or recently, 'CC'. Which has now evolved into a verb and taken on a life of its own thanks to Diki, who did I mention has two stylish horns and a long tail with a fork on the end of it? (Useful while barbecuing). We also have two regular visitors, one of which is Grumpy (not a dwarf) from the next house, 55, and Chittu Kuruvi, a tiny little thing whose volume settings are disproportionate to her size.

I suppose you've by now gathered that life is so entertaining that I forget to blog :D Also, there's so much to say that I end up saying nothing at all!

Anyway. Our first barbecue involved a LOT of food (which was consumed at an alarming rate), a punching bag (and a lot of hilarious boxing videos), a lot of impromptu visitors, a random tea party, a game of cricket, and Dodo, Chittu and Grumpy trying to fly away on a broomstick (and the neighbour's rake, which was stolen through the hedge). The second barbecue was in honour of Anu, Aanya's adorable cousin, and involved a LOT of food, some music which Aanya called 'rap with a c', an impromptu visit from our tutor and his son (who had called to invite us to their barbecue while ours was going on), and a bhangra session which took place on one side of the backyard while a serious discussion on design took place on the other. Typical 42 style.

Anyway, that's probably enough updating for now. Off I go for my morning cup of tea.

A 'quick' update, like I'm very busy at the moment.

So, many things, both interesting and entertaining, have occurred since the last time I posted (considering how long ago that was, it would be tragic if nothing had happened). Many times I thought 'Wow, this would make for a hilarious blog post!' and then never posted. A proper detailed post made now would run to several pages. This calls for bullet points! 

So, since my last post I have:

- Had to flee from an ancient and half-crazy gentleman with a lopsided turban who tried to kiss me while I was innocently skipping churchwards down the road.

- Been granted a big bookshelf by a benevolent landlord, and promptly purchased six awesome books for 1p each (!!!)

- Been invited to a book-signing in London (which is tomorrow), after adding one of my favourite authors and bloggers on Facebook.

- Won a makeover (complete with manicure, pedicure and facial) plus photoshoot at a studio in London (also tomorrow!) for me and a friend. Which means happytime with Kanchana - we get to spend some girlie time before she leaves and I am :(

- Found out that a good friend of mine from back home in Madras (Kirtanaaaa!) will be here in September to do her MBA in Aston. Proceeded to bounce around the house for 1 hour.

- Helped a friend get ready for the Graduate Fashion Week in London. Have been granted passes to visit said show on Tuesday. Wooo!

- Seen Star Trek. Jaw dropped in wonder. Resolved to see it again in IMAX. 180 degrees of Spock. Joy.

- Compiled a list of chick-flicks that EVERYONE has seen except me (eg. Notting Hill). Resolved to watch said flicks but not yet managed to begin. Have, however, watched Terminator Salvation, American Gangster, Ricochet, the Bourne trilogy, the Star Wars prequel trilogy, and other similar stuff.

- Handed in a final submission (branded myself using 'Artitude'). Did well but not as much as I'd have liked. Have managed, for the first time in my life, to Set Goals. Lets see how that works out for me now. I have pledged to teach myself web design, and design a website for my portfolio and freelance work from scratch, by the time uni opens again.

- Investigated Creative Writing competitions online. Did you know, ladies and gentlemen, that you can Win Money? I have resolved to try my hand at it, but am doubtful about whether I will succeed in Meeting Deadlines.

- GOT A JOB. As a Retail Operative at Primark. Will be operating tills and such henceforth. Nice people, nice workplace, free coffee, tea and milk. SCORE.

That is all. Well, that is all that comes to mind at the moment.

I hereby solemnly swear to write about my London trip, which promises to be both exciting and eventful.

Til next time then. 

Mum and Dad's Excellent Adventure

Before I commence, I should mention that this is a long overdue post. The events related here occurred about a month ago, but there were submissions and other random occurrences that prevented me from writing, and afterwards whenever I had the time, I worried that I was not sufficiently 'inspired' at that moment to do the topic justice. Honestly, I feel that way now as well, but I've realised that if I sit around waiting for the 'muse' as it were, this will probably never get written. And I cannot deny this story to people who have the privilege and pleasure of knowing my parents.

I have to admit that at the time these events occurred, I was not in the same city, or even in the same country, so my perspective is that of the third person. Nevertheless, perhaps this makes it all the more entertaining, as the story was related to me by my mother, who has a very unique outlook on life. I loved her point of view so much that a large part of the story will be related through iChat transcripts (I saved the conversation the second it ended).

So now to the point. The setting: the day before my submissions, me scrambling last minute as per usual, alternately Googling images and pulling my hair out. Suddenly, Mum pops online on iChat.

MUM: *brightly* Hi! Are you there? Watcha doing?

ME: Sort of. Working. *hint hint*

MUM: I had an 'interesting' day...

ME: *imagines some vague relative re-emerging from the mists of Time to come over for tea* Oh, really?

MUM: ...we chased a thief and caught him and got back Daddy's cellphone that he had stolen!

ME: ...WHAT?

MUM: Read again.

So now, we pause for a little more backstory. A couple of months before my departure, much to my displeasure, Mum had hired a live-in houseboy. No more wandering around the house in 'comfortable' clothes for me, but to be fair she really needed the help, and my grandparents needed some form of Hindi-speaking servant around. I would have found him much easier to tolerate if it wasn't for his habit of 'affectionately' squeezing the life out of my dog after bellowing 'Saaaaaam' in the tones of a wounded bear. Ugh. But anyway. Once I moved to the UK, I developed the habit of saying 'beat him' whenever the houseboy was mentioned, even though I didn't really mean it and Mum obviously would never do such a thing. Eventually, the aforementioned went on leave indefinitely, and Mum had to hire another houseboy. This one was unreliable, smoked and had a cellphone that rang a lot, making him even worse than the previous one. I urged Mum to sack him, but she felt bad about 'sending him out into the cold' for some reason (even though it's not in the least bit cold in Chennai, ever).

Now back to the story.

ME: Was it the houseboy? Beat him!

MUM: I sacked the houseboy yesterday. He didn't have a chance to take anything as we watched him leave, but he did not take his things.

ME: You finally sacked him? Why?

MUM: His work was bad and he smokes and is shifty. Anyway...

...so basically what happened is, the boy didn't return, but sent the fellow who brought him (Manoj) to collect his pay and his things. This character was standing around near the kitchen door (by the cupboard where Dad charges his phone) while Mum ran up and down getting the pay together. The next morning, Daddy couldn't find his phone, and when they tried calling it, they got the 'switched off' message. Uh-oh.

MUM: So we thought and thought and reconstructed everything and concluded this Manoj had taken it.

ME: ...and?

MUM: I told Daddy I would not let him get away with it but try and catch him!

ME: Wow. And then and then?

MUM: I called the boss Chakravarty and he said he'd already sacked Manoj, but offered to get us another servant. I said heck with the servant, I want our phone!

ME: *highly impressed*

MUM: So we hatched a plot to snare the guy without him suspecting anything, and went to the office but he didn't show up. So the boss and his brother got into our car and we hared off to Alwarpet and finally caught him there...

ME: Oh, boy.

MUM: We put him in the car, with Chakravarty and his brother on either side and Daddy and I in front, and said give it back or we'll take you to the police station.

ME: Haha!

MUM: Daddy looked stern and drove, and I did the talking.

ME: You sound like Mafia!

MUM: I told him, look, we're really not interested in having you beaten up by the police. So just give us the phone and we'll let you go. Anyway, he denied it most unconvincingly, so Daddy starting heading to the police station, and then he suddenly said he had it at the place where he was staying.

ME: *speechless*

MUM: Are you there? Do you want to hear the rest?

ME: ...yes please. I await it eagerly.

MUM: So then we hared off to St. Mary's road and reached a fancy house like a fortress where his sister and aunt work as servants. Chakravarty had asked the lady of the house to hold his bags and not let him take them. So we stopped and Chakravarty's brother went in to search his bags, but the phone wasn't there. He brought the bags out, and then...

ME: ...and then???

MUM: And then the chap takes the phone out of his underwear where he had hidden it! It was in the car with him all the time!

ME: ...I hope Daddy's not using that phone.

MUM: Well, he had wrapped it carefully in plastic, so it should be clean...I hope.

ME: Tell him to trade it in for the C905.

MUM: You tell him. Anyway, while we had been driving, I turned around and gave the boy a lecture and advised him to change his ways and turn over a new leaf. Told him he'd land in jail or worse if he continued like this, and other people might not be so charitable. He said "I want to go back to Calcutta!" I said, "Well, go to Calcutta, but be good and do an honest day's work and you'll be okay."

ME: *disbelief* Wow, I'm not around so you're adopting random thieves.

MUM: Well, he looked small and miserable!

ME: ...

MUM: Anyway, after that he had the gall to say "I don't have money to go to Calcutta, give me some money" even though Chakravarty had sacked him for swindling them out of 50,000 rupees...

ME: Please tell me you didn't give him money. I bet he's a drug dealer. Beat him.

MUM: Anyway, we left him walking across the road with his bags. That's the first time in my life I've chased a thief and caught him!

ME: ...so now we don't have a houseboy? :)

Anyway, it turns out we may get Wounded Bear (aka Robby) back after all, but everyone's feeling a lot fonder of him after the above experience, because although he had no manners, he also had no loudly ringing cellphones or cellphone-thieving friends. So, it's all good. And I am highly amused by my Mum's thief-reforming tendencies. All this interesting stuff seems to happen when I'm not there!

ME: See, it's all that houseboy's fault! Beat him!

MUM: You come and beat him.

Well, neither of us are going to, obviously, but I hope someone does.